Highlights:
On relationships: “Sometimes, you get a girl to like you, then she ditches you. Life is hard, move on! Or sometimes it just doesn’t work out. I had a crush on a girl in preschool. Then my family had to move, so I had to let her wash out of my mind.”

On having a crush: “Many boys get crushes on girls. But it can be very hard to get a girl to like you. Sometimes it takes years! Whatever happens, just don’t act desperate. Girls don’t like desperate boys. So what do you do if you have a crush on a girl? You need to get her to like you. You can also show off a skill, like playing soccer or anything else you’re good at. If you are in elementary school, try to get a girl to like you, not to love you. Wait until middle school to try to get her to love you. Otherwise, you have to hold on to her for a long time and that would be very hard. Tip: Most boys in elementary school can hold on to a girl for only 30 days.”

On gifts: “It is also good to give gifts. They don’t have to be big. Try to find out what she likes before you give her something. You should go around to her friends to get ideas. And I wouldn’t do flowers and gifts until you are older, like in middle school, because it seems weird in elementary school. Unless you go to a school dance.”

The Lowdown:
Greven does not support the “just be yourself” method of dating — he recommends copying someone cool — but let’s be honest: sometimes that method doesn’t work (especially in elementary school, when “being yourself” often translates to “eating boogers”). He warns against passing love notes, as they tend to get intercepted; he’s mercifully still a few years away from discovering the horrors of drunk dialing. Greven also believes that pretty girls are coldhearted and regular-looking girls make better girlfriends (is he even old enough to have heard Jimmy Soul’s “If You Wanna Be Happy”?). He refers to winning a girl as “winning a victory” and urges the boy to refrain from celebrating in front of his new girlfriend, lest she disapprove of his happiness and dump him.

So will the book actually help you talk to girls? Not really. But it makes for a good gag gift. Have a permanently single male friend? Want to creep out strangers by reading it alone at a bar? Self-help books written by 9-year-olds provide endless opportunities for awkward, uncomfortable amusement. Besides, nothing in the book is incorrect. We girls (and women) are not as elusive as we may seem. We like gifts and attention and people who make us laugh. We dislike hyperactive, clingy boys (and boys who wear sweatpants). If you want to talk to us, sometimes all it takes is a casual hello.

(everybody wants some tender loving care)

A lot of people have been asking me how to start a relationship with a girl, as they seem to find it very hard to do so. Actually starting a relationship with a girl is not that hard at all; it only depends on whether you know how to do it. Let me just share the steps that you can take to start a relationship with a girl, awesomely.

1. Be awesome at anything; if you are smart, show it off, if you are funny, make her laugh, or if you are good at sports, give a demonstration. Let people know how you are different.

2. Look into places where you can find the ideal girl of yours. If you like sports, do look into places where people do sports.

3. Do not lie to get the girl’s heart. If she finds out that you have lied to her when both of you are in a deeper relationship, she will leave for good.

4. Start by making friend with her. Strong friendship builds the foundation for strong relationship. Talk to her about common interests and keep the conversation going.

5. Take things slowly. Do not be seen as a needy guy. She will think that you are just an annoying friend and you probably don’t want her to think that. That special person might actually ask you over or on a date, which doesn’t necessarily mean that she is into you. Give it time and things could work out. Once you have established ‘first contact’, remember not to squeeze the person.

6. Lastly, do flirt with her. Judge whether she is very open with flirting and play accordingly. Flirting certainly draws attention and can lead to a relationship.

To make it easier for you, make sure the girl is someone you have known for a while. The more history and common grounds you have between the both of you, the easier it gets.

This is what i found, does it make sense? share your comments to the above, pretty please

]]> http://commaction.wordpress.com/2009/03/02/how-to-start-a-relationship-2/feed/ 2 commaction http://commaction.wordpress.com/2009/02/19/send-me-ur-comments-curious-28-here-wink/ http://commaction.wordpress.com/2009/02/19/send-me-ur-comments-curious-28-here-wink/#comments Thu, 19 Feb 2009 08:13:22 +0000 commaction http://commaction.wordpress.com/?p=29 ]]> COUGAR HUNTING

Loraine Wapshott spied a rather attractive young man at a wedding last week. They flirted outrageously and she gave him her number. A first date is planned at the famous Oxo Tower in London. Then, who knows? But the smile on her face suggests that the evening may not end with a polite coffee.

The fact that this young man is young enough to be her son might be a little unseemly to some, but full-time mum Loraine insists he “just” falls within her rather precise dating parameters. Were he a year or two younger – and, therefore, less than half her age – it might have posed a problem.

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Leaders of the pack: (left to right) Karin Bacardi-Fien, Caryn Scott and Loraine Wapshott

“He’s 25, which is just about fine. He knows I’m 48 and that doesn’t seem to be a problem with him. For the record, though, I won’t go out with anyone under 25.”

Her children, who are 19 and 15, must be relieved.

Fellow divorcee Karin Bacardi-Fien, also 48, has already run the gauntlet of horrified children. Her current beau, Graeme, is an eyepopping 22 years younger than her. After one of their first dates, her son pulled Graeme aside and asked what his intentions were.

Still, she believes that a 26-year-old boyfriend is “just about right” for a woman of her age and position.

“Personally, I won’t date anyone my own age or older, but many of my friends are much more fussy. My friend Carina, who is 46, only dates men who are under 30, and my friend Denise agrees. She said to me the other day that it’s all downhill after men turn 30.”

Still, she agrees that one can get carried away by this dating-younger-men business.

“I was out on the town with my Finnish friend Eya and Mexican friend Maria Elena recently,” she recalls.

“We were going from pub to pub and having a great time when we were approached by a group of guys who looked like teenagers.

“They tried chatting us up, saying we were ‘sexy older women’. We were in hysterics as they looked like they were barely past puberty.”

In the weeks and months to come, Karin and her copious friends won’t just be described as “sexy older women” in the pubs and nightclubs they frequent. They will be dubbed “cougars” – and cited as evidence of a remarkable new social trend. Whether they will be flattered or disgusted by the term is another matter, though.

Quite what constitutes a cougar is the matter of much debate. The term “urban cougar” was first used in the States to describe older women who aggressively date – or prey on, as the lingo goes – younger men.

Later this year the film Cougar Club -starring Faye Dunaway and Carrie Fisher – is released in the UK. It is an entertaining, if savage, affair, featuring a group of divorced friends who hunt in packs for young blood. The promotional blurb offers the line “We are women – hear us roar”, suggesting that the young “prey” really don’t stand a chance.

But is this film really reflecting a genuine social trend? It seems so.

It’s no longer just the likes of Demi Moore, Madonna and Joan Collins who are proud to say they prefer dating younger men.

A study by online dating service parship.co.uk recently revealed that 280,000 British women over 45 are keen to date a younger man, a leap of 20 per cent in a year.

Specialist dating websites have sprung up to satisfy the new demand – but even those who post on them can’t agree whether cougars are to be applauded or abhorred.

“A cougar is a woman old enough to be the mother of the young man she sleeps with. Once she gets older and gets age spots, she becomes a leopard,” says one online poster, in a less-thanflattering description.

Another retorts angrily that a cougar is simply a woman who is doing what men have done through history – going for a mate she finds most attractive, regardless of age or convention.

“A cougar is a woman of any age over 40 who is extremely attractive, intelligent, independent financially, has a powerful career and knows what she wants and, therefore, allows herself the freedom to seek out or accept offers from younger men,” it reads.

Karin, who is on the board of various charities and who has four children from three marriages, is perfectly happy to be called a cougar. In fact, in her bid to meet younger men, she posted on a website called gocougar.com.

With three failed marriages behind her – two to men older than herself, her third to an investment banker only six years younger – she is pretty upfront about her new strategy.

“Now I am free to choose what works for me and I find things easier and lots more fun with younger men. They go out to bars and enjoy themselves, and in certain obvious areas it works extremely well.

“It all started when I used to go to bars on the King’s Road in Chelsea in London, and I noticed that I was always being chatted up by younger men. I never actually needed to approach them.

“I remember I was once asked out by a Swedish investment banker who was 30. I turned him down, though, as he couldn’t make eye contact. His eyes were glued to my chest the whole time.

“When I got together with Graeme, my friends thought it was fantastic. They’ve been married to the same boring investment bankers for 20 years. When we meet for drinks, they want all the tiny details about Graeme and me. They’re living vicariously through me!”

Unquestionably attractive and keen to maintain that – thanks to four sessions a week with her 30-year-old personal trainer (whom she describes as “flirtatious”) – it’s little wonder Karin can command attention in pubs and bars.

She’s the sort of woman who spends a lot of money on her appearance, and she jokes that at 80 she should still be able to attract 40-year-olds – with a little help from Botox. And she does ooze sexual confidence – a de rigueur accessory for the cougar.

“It’s a cruel fact of life that when you are younger and at your most stunning, you aren’t confident with men,” she explains. “But when you start getting wrinkles and your breasts are heading south, you become full of confidence.

“I think that’s why I’m appealing to younger men. Young girls are starving themselves, whereas I am voluptuous, have my own life and am financially independent. I’m comfortable with myself.”

What’s more interesting is that Karin doesn’t feel any need to lie about her age – in fact, she regards it as an advantage.

“Graeme actually thought I was lying at first when I told him how old I was,” she says of the boyfriend she met in a Chelsea bar. “I joked: ‘Darling, women subtract from their age – not add to it.’ He isn’t bothered at all by my age – he had dated an older woman before, a woman in her 40s – it’s other people who have the problem. His brother once pointed to an elderly woman and said: ‘Graeme, do you fancy her?’ He hates me.”

Karin has been with Graeme for two years, but not every older woman has such a positive experience, she concedes: “Some men will see you as a meal ticket. They think: ‘She’s older and gagging for it, and I can provide a service.’ They are basically gold-diggers. I have a friend who gave one guy in his 20s a £15,000 loan, then another £10,000. He disappeared and she was devastated. He wasn’t worth that much money.”

Yvonne Shaw, 42, from Luton, currently between jobs, is similarly upfront about the fact that she only dates younger men – and aggressively targets them on dating websites and through small ads.

“Once I did answer an ad from someone who was older than me, thinking he would be more settled. It was a disaster. He was 46, but already he had no teeth and a pot belly,” she says.

Targeting younger men, however, has its own risks.

“I’m not finding it easy,” she confesses. “I think a lot of young people are looking for sex, whereas I am looking for commitment.

“From one advert, I got responses from men as young as 18. That’s too young. My son is 15.”

Her last relationship was with a 33-year-old and they dated for five years. That seems to have whetted her appetite for younger men.

“I’ve had a few one-night stands with younger men – one was 26 and one was 28 – and they do keep themselves in better shape. They’re not always experienced, but there is always room for improvement.”

So is Yvonne happy to be called a cougar? It seems so. “I think I’m a cougar in that I’m an independent woman who knows what she wants. I certainly don’t want to be sitting at home knitting on a Saturday night. All my friends are married or have kids but I want to go out and enjoy myself.

“I think people are still judgmental of older women who date younger men, though. Attitudes haven’t really changed. But I know what I want and I think people should just be themselves.”

Caryn Scott, from Barnehurst, Kent, is 48 and a full-time mum to four children – the oldest is 24 and the youngest is nine. She also has a boyfriend, Owen, 15 years her junior. Her oldest son and Owen are so close that they often go out drinking together.

Doesn’t she regard this as in any way. . . well, odd?

“All my children get on with him, and luckily none of them has a problem with his age,” she replies. “Some of my friends were pretty shocked, initially, though. I think there is still a lot of negativity about older women dating younger men. It does make me angry – no one bats an eyelid if it is the other way round.”

Perhaps the distaste that surrounds the idea of cougars has more to do with the fact that these women are often proud to say that they “only” date men young enough to be their sons.

Loraine – the cougar who met her latest “prey” at that wedding – insists she didn’t set out to date only younger men, but that is effectively what has happened.

The 48-year-old mother of two from Orpington in Kent, is now something of a serial dater of younger men.

“My long-term partner was 14 years older than me, but when it ended I started seeing Nigel, who was seven years younger than me. I was blown away by him.

He was so attentive and old-fashioned, and he held doors for me.

I also liked the idea of someone younger and fitter looking after me as I got older.

“That relationship ended after six years, but when we parted, I found that I was a magnet for younger men. It wasn’t a conscious decision to only date them – but I wouldn’t do any different now.

“I always keep my eye out for attractive boys. I think younger men keep you young.

“They also have less emotional baggage and more energy in the bedroom. That is so important. Let’s just say they are able to give repeat performances.

“They want older women who are confident because it takes the pressure off them.”

She, in turn, is ready to teach them everything she knows – whether it be about the music of her generation or something alittle more risquè.

“I think younger men like the fact that I’ve been there, done that and got the T-shirt,” she says. “Everyone wins.”

To attract a high-quality woman, a man needs to build a high-quality life for himself.

Sometimes this is hard for a lonely guy to understand. As a man, it’s almost natural to feel as though a great woman will be the answer to all of your problems.

But here’s the ironic part… Although this might seem true, the fact is that the feeling of needing a woman to solve all of your problems creates problems with every woman you meet.

What sort of problems does this create and how important is a good attitude when approaching women?

It’s called neediness, which — you guessed it — also translates into wussiness.

And there is only one cure…

You need to build a life for yourself that gives you internal satisfaction, and you don’t need a woman to do it!

But like they say in the movies… “If you build it… she will come.”

So how do you do this?

Well, first of all, you need to start doing things for yourself.

Develop a social circle that gives you a ton of activities to participate in that you enjoy. Polish relations with your family — do whatever it takes. You’ll feel much better, and more content.

If there are some hobbies that you’ve wanted to take up, go for it. Develop interests outside of picking up women that are exciting for you.

Do some of the things that you’ve been putting off for a long time. If you’ve always wanted to skydive or climb a mountain, make it happen, so you can look back at yourself a year from now and be proud and excited about what you’ve accomplished.

Don’t get too obsessed with learning how to meet women. But do get obsessed with having a great life. That is the key.

How important is a “good attitude” in approaching women?

If you spend a lot time with guys who are “naturally” successful with women, you’ll notice that their attitudes are very different from most “regular” guys’.

One of the biggest lessons you can learn here is that “naturals” always assume a woman wants them, no matter what.

A great way to incorporate this into your behavior is to take every sign a woman gives you as a positive thing. If she looks away while you are talking, it’s a positive thing. She’s probably just trying to look distant because she’s playing hard to get.

If she doesn’t agree with something you say, that’s another good sign.

If she mentions another man while you are talking, even better.

When you truly believe that everything a woman says or does is a positive thing, she has no choice but to pick up on the powerful vibe of confidence you are sending and become very turned on, even if she had negative thoughts about you in the first place.

above is according to david deangelo:

Utah folks, kindly send your comments…..

‘Most men will agree that approaching a woman is probably one of the most stressful situations they can find themselves in. The reason they find it so difficult is that they fear being rejected. This fear is so strong that it causes men to behave in very abnormal ways, such as stuttering like never before or engaging in completely irrational behavior.

For example, I was once standing at a bar when a man leaned over and said, “Whew, would you look at that sexy woman, hmm, I’d sure like to get into her panties.” So I told the guy to go talk to her. But he insisted on having a couple of drinks before moving in on his target.

An hour later, the fellow was still at the bar looking her way. The nice thing was that she too was looking his way and maintaining his gaze. At one point, she even smiled at him. She was giving him all the right signals and her body language was definitely inviting.’

above was from a piece online… does the above ever happen?

Utah folks, send it your comments

A lot of people have been asking me how to start a relationship with a girl, as they seem to find it very hard to do so. Actually starting a relationship with a girl is not that hard at all; it only depends on whether you know how to do it. Let me just share the steps that you can take to start a relationship with a girl, awesomely.

1. Be awesome at anything; if you are smart, show it off, if you are funny, make her laugh, or if you are good at sports, give a demonstration. Let people know how you are different.

2. Look into places where you can find the ideal girl of yours. If you like sports, do look into places where people do sports.

3. Do not lie to get the girl’s heart. If she finds out that you have lied to her when both of you are in a deeper relationship, she will leave for good.

4. Start by making friend with her. Strong friendship builds the foundation for strong relationship. Talk to her about common interests and keep the conversation going.

5. Take things slowly. Do not be seen as a needy guy. She will think that you are just an annoying friend and you probably don’t want her to think that. That special person might actually ask you over or on a date, which doesn’t necessarily mean that she is into you. Give it time and things could work out. Once you have established ‘first contact’, remember not to squeeze the person.

6. Lastly, do flirt with her. Judge whether she is very open with flirting and play accordingly. Flirting certainly draws attention and can lead to a relationship.

To make it easier for you, make sure the girl is someone you have known for a while. The more history and common grounds you have between the both of you, the easier it gets.

This is what i found online, does it make sense?

share your comments to the above, pretty please…

preferably if you are from UTAH

Uncertainty Reduction Theory

Obama- McCane campaign made a few things very clear. We are living in times of change. In reality, they are telling us, times are uncertain and we must adapt. But they have not defined what is change or as some of us may call it, moments of uncertainty is. Nor have they defined to us, what constitutes a time period of uncertainty. Yes, we do agree, uncertain times could mean socio-economic challengers; it could be a time to reflect upon political concerns. However, if one could understand the principles that govern uncertainty, then moments of certainty become more certain. Fear is converted to hope and challenge is viewed to create a better outcome. Thus, for everything, we must turn to the best within a given field to gain mastery of its concepts.

Psychologist and communication specialist have outlined the theory called the theory of Uncertainty Reduction. To better understand Uncertainty Reduction Theory, we must first understand the definition of certainty as well as uncertainty.

Certainty is defined as having superior knowledge regarding a given entity or situation. A limited range of ambiguity exists. Such a moment could be related to work, meeting of a stranger, suffering form an illness, etc. Each situation however calls for certainty in that the person has prior knowledge which reduces their level uncertainty. In effect, they become more certain as to a possible outcome. This in turn makes communication somewhat of an ease. Certainty has thus also been linked greatly to the internal positive personal state of a person. It is the internal self that sometimes dictates how we really feel about a given situation.

By contrast, uncertainty in a person produces an unpleasant sensation within the internal state of an individual. As humans we seek balance of our internal states. When this imbalanced is perceived, a sense of arousal takes place. Thus, we would notice, upon the initial phase of an interaction with people of unfamiliarity, we try our best to create equilibrium; we seek out clarity on simple issues as to the gender, nationality of an accented person, etc. Be it in the form of directly asking or by mere observation. If things don’t seem right, arousal is created within us. For example, sometimes people due to excessive uncertainty regarding a situation that they can hardly walk through the door of a company for an interview, or cannot gain the courage to present themselves adequate, fearing an adverse outcome. Such negative uncertainty feeds of itself. By contrast, positive uncertainty helps prepare a person to eliminate awkwardness, thus functioning as a positive.

Persons seeking to reduce uncertainty seek cues that indicate socio-economic status and other pertinent demographic data surrounding their environment. This is significant for persons seeking to be interacting only with a certain class or type of people. (Sounds bad, but this is not always a bad thing!)We also seek other necessary data. The method of attaining such valuable data, Uncertainty Reduction Theory (URT) postulates that it occurs through communication. It is through (effective) communication that we reduce feelings of uneasiness. To explain URT, social scientists have examined factors such as verbal and nonverbal, intimacy, information seeking strategies, reciprocity, similarity, and liking. (Berger & Calabrese, 1975)

Berger and Calabrese (1975) tell us that people by nature utilize:

1) Passive strategies such as mere observation to see what the other person is all about. Do I like what I see, must I go beyond? Is this the place I really want to work at? Does this represent who I am? Such questions and mind exploration takes place.

2) Active strategies compromise of a person asking pertinent questions regarding a target or they may actively create a situation that would aid in getting a given response. Questions such as: do you all get along in this company? Who do we go to when matters are unresolved? If family day is important to them, then they would ask if there is a family day at the company. Is person x angry all the time, or just on Mondays? etc.

3) Finally within this phase, a person who directly interacts with persons with the people they are interested to eliminate or reduce uncertainty to the greatest extent possible. Here they ask questions directly to the target, is it true that you fire people for that come late beyond three times within the first week? Do you not like scary movies? I have noticed that you have a preference for digital cameras, is my assumption correct? Etc.

You would notice, our discussion thus far surrounds helping people getting to know the definition of URT and how it functions. The strategies people utilize to gain into their comfort zone. The strategies you may have utilized or strategies that may have been used against you without even knowing.

We would like you to share your experience with us. As to how you feel the above theory has helped or hindered your social interaction.

Also send us your comments as to topics you would like for us to discuss.

* This is a social blog to help everyday people understand themselves in their everyday situation so they can become more effective in their interactions. Share your examples with us on how you overcame a given situation. Help people learn from your learning.

Sincere communication certainly always works