send me ur comments… curious (28 here) *wink*


Loraine Wapshott spied a rather attractive young man at a wedding last week. They flirted outrageously and she gave him her number. A first date is planned at the famous Oxo Tower in London. Then, who knows? But the smile on her face suggests that the evening may not end with a polite coffee.

The fact that this young man is young enough to be her son might be a little unseemly to some, but full-time mum Loraine insists he “just” falls within her rather precise dating parameters. Were he a year or two younger – and, therefore, less than half her age – it might have posed a problem.

Scroll down for more…

cougarsLeaders of the pack: (left to right) Karin Bacardi-Fien, Caryn Scott and Loraine Wapshott

“He’s 25, which is just about fine. He knows I’m 48 and that doesn’t seem to be a problem with him. For the record, though, I won’t go out with anyone under 25.”

Her children, who are 19 and 15, must be relieved.

Fellow divorcee Karin Bacardi-Fien, also 48, has already run the gauntlet of horrified children. Her current beau, Graeme, is an eyepopping 22 years younger than her. After one of their first dates, her son pulled Graeme aside and asked what his intentions were.

Still, she believes that a 26-year-old boyfriend is “just about right” for a woman of her age and position.

“Personally, I won’t date anyone my own age or older, but many of my friends are much more fussy. My friend Carina, who is 46, only dates men who are under 30, and my friend Denise agrees. She said to me the other day that it’s all downhill after men turn 30.”

Still, she agrees that one can get carried away by this dating-younger-men business.

“I was out on the town with my Finnish friend Eya and Mexican friend Maria Elena recently,” she recalls.

“We were going from pub to pub and having a great time when we were approached by a group of guys who looked like teenagers.

“They tried chatting us up, saying we were ‘sexy older women’. We were in hysterics as they looked like they were barely past puberty.”

In the weeks and months to come, Karin and her copious friends won’t just be described as “sexy older women” in the pubs and nightclubs they frequent. They will be dubbed “cougars” – and cited as evidence of a remarkable new social trend. Whether they will be flattered or disgusted by the term is another matter, though.

Quite what constitutes a cougar is the matter of much debate. The term “urban cougar” was first used in the States to describe older women who aggressively date – or prey on, as the lingo goes – younger men.

Later this year the film Cougar Club -starring Faye Dunaway and Carrie Fisher – is released in the UK. It is an entertaining, if savage, affair, featuring a group of divorced friends who hunt in packs for young blood. The promotional blurb offers the line “We are women – hear us roar”, suggesting that the young “prey” really don’t stand a chance.

But is this film really reflecting a genuine social trend? It seems so.

It’s no longer just the likes of Demi Moore, Madonna and Joan Collins who are proud to say they prefer dating younger men.

A study by online dating service recently revealed that 280,000 British women over 45 are keen to date a younger man, a leap of 20 per cent in a year.

Specialist dating websites have sprung up to satisfy the new demand – but even those who post on them can’t agree whether cougars are to be applauded or abhorred.

“A cougar is a woman old enough to be the mother of the young man she sleeps with. Once she gets older and gets age spots, she becomes a leopard,” says one online poster, in a less-thanflattering description.

Another retorts angrily that a cougar is simply a woman who is doing what men have done through history – going for a mate she finds most attractive, regardless of age or convention.

“A cougar is a woman of any age over 40 who is extremely attractive, intelligent, independent financially, has a powerful career and knows what she wants and, therefore, allows herself the freedom to seek out or accept offers from younger men,” it reads.

Karin, who is on the board of various charities and who has four children from three marriages, is perfectly happy to be called a cougar. In fact, in her bid to meet younger men, she posted on a website called

With three failed marriages behind her – two to men older than herself, her third to an investment banker only six years younger – she is pretty upfront about her new strategy.

“Now I am free to choose what works for me and I find things easier and lots more fun with younger men. They go out to bars and enjoy themselves, and in certain obvious areas it works extremely well.

“It all started when I used to go to bars on the King’s Road in Chelsea in London, and I noticed that I was always being chatted up by younger men. I never actually needed to approach them.

“I remember I was once asked out by a Swedish investment banker who was 30. I turned him down, though, as he couldn’t make eye contact. His eyes were glued to my chest the whole time.

“When I got together with Graeme, my friends thought it was fantastic. They’ve been married to the same boring investment bankers for 20 years. When we meet for drinks, they want all the tiny details about Graeme and me. They’re living vicariously through me!”

Unquestionably attractive and keen to maintain that – thanks to four sessions a week with her 30-year-old personal trainer (whom she describes as “flirtatious”) – it’s little wonder Karin can command attention in pubs and bars.

She’s the sort of woman who spends a lot of money on her appearance, and she jokes that at 80 she should still be able to attract 40-year-olds – with a little help from Botox. And she does ooze sexual confidence – a de rigueur accessory for the cougar.

“It’s a cruel fact of life that when you are younger and at your most stunning, you aren’t confident with men,” she explains. “But when you start getting wrinkles and your breasts are heading south, you become full of confidence.

“I think that’s why I’m appealing to younger men. Young girls are starving themselves, whereas I am voluptuous, have my own life and am financially independent. I’m comfortable with myself.”

What’s more interesting is that Karin doesn’t feel any need to lie about her age – in fact, she regards it as an advantage.

“Graeme actually thought I was lying at first when I told him how old I was,” she says of the boyfriend she met in a Chelsea bar. “I joked: ‘Darling, women subtract from their age – not add to it.’ He isn’t bothered at all by my age – he had dated an older woman before, a woman in her 40s – it’s other people who have the problem. His brother once pointed to an elderly woman and said: ‘Graeme, do you fancy her?’ He hates me.”

Karin has been with Graeme for two years, but not every older woman has such a positive experience, she concedes: “Some men will see you as a meal ticket. They think: ‘She’s older and gagging for it, and I can provide a service.’ They are basically gold-diggers. I have a friend who gave one guy in his 20s a £15,000 loan, then another £10,000. He disappeared and she was devastated. He wasn’t worth that much money.”

Yvonne Shaw, 42, from Luton, currently between jobs, is similarly upfront about the fact that she only dates younger men – and aggressively targets them on dating websites and through small ads.

“Once I did answer an ad from someone who was older than me, thinking he would be more settled. It was a disaster. He was 46, but already he had no teeth and a pot belly,” she says.

Targeting younger men, however, has its own risks.

“I’m not finding it easy,” she confesses. “I think a lot of young people are looking for sex, whereas I am looking for commitment.

“From one advert, I got responses from men as young as 18. That’s too young. My son is 15.”

Her last relationship was with a 33-year-old and they dated for five years. That seems to have whetted her appetite for younger men.

“I’ve had a few one-night stands with younger men – one was 26 and one was 28 – and they do keep themselves in better shape. They’re not always experienced, but there is always room for improvement.”

So is Yvonne happy to be called a cougar? It seems so. “I think I’m a cougar in that I’m an independent woman who knows what she wants. I certainly don’t want to be sitting at home knitting on a Saturday night. All my friends are married or have kids but I want to go out and enjoy myself.

“I think people are still judgmental of older women who date younger men, though. Attitudes haven’t really changed. But I know what I want and I think people should just be themselves.”

Caryn Scott, from Barnehurst, Kent, is 48 and a full-time mum to four children – the oldest is 24 and the youngest is nine. She also has a boyfriend, Owen, 15 years her junior. Her oldest son and Owen are so close that they often go out drinking together.

Doesn’t she regard this as in any way. . . well, odd?

“All my children get on with him, and luckily none of them has a problem with his age,” she replies. “Some of my friends were pretty shocked, initially, though. I think there is still a lot of negativity about older women dating younger men. It does make me angry – no one bats an eyelid if it is the other way round.”

Perhaps the distaste that surrounds the idea of cougars has more to do with the fact that these women are often proud to say that they “only” date men young enough to be their sons.

Loraine – the cougar who met her latest “prey” at that wedding – insists she didn’t set out to date only younger men, but that is effectively what has happened.

The 48-year-old mother of two from Orpington in Kent, is now something of a serial dater of younger men.

“My long-term partner was 14 years older than me, but when it ended I started seeing Nigel, who was seven years younger than me. I was blown away by him.

He was so attentive and old-fashioned, and he held doors for me.

I also liked the idea of someone younger and fitter looking after me as I got older.

“That relationship ended after six years, but when we parted, I found that I was a magnet for younger men. It wasn’t a conscious decision to only date them – but I wouldn’t do any different now.

“I always keep my eye out for attractive boys. I think younger men keep you young.

“They also have less emotional baggage and more energy in the bedroom. That is so important. Let’s just say they are able to give repeat performances.

“They want older women who are confident because it takes the pressure off them.”

She, in turn, is ready to teach them everything she knows – whether it be about the music of her generation or something alittle more risquè.

“I think younger men like the fact that I’ve been there, done that and got the T-shirt,” she says. “Everyone wins.”


50 Responses to “send me ur comments… curious (28 here) *wink*”

  1. jas Says:

    i like ur profile

  2. Katrina Says:

    You go girls!! I’m 41 and I pretty much haven’t dated older than me, since younger was illegal. It all started because I look so insanely young for my age that the only guys who ever approached me were younger ones. The younger girls can’t hold a candle to my independence and lack of desire to control the life of the person I date. I don’t date younger on purpose, necessarily, I’m simply not attracted to men my own age. I just can’t take Moustaches, bellies and baggage. I don’t want a guy who has already had the love of his life I want to have a chance at that position. My 23 yr old son has been ok with it his whole life ,as long as I don’t date his friends who call me a MILF. Oh yea Yay “”!!

    • commaction Says:

      hmmm… cannot take the mustaches, bellies and baggage!!! i wish others were as clear as you!!! what the youngest you have dated? MILF means? i can tell from ur style… you are a young one at heart!!! good to hear!

  3. John Says:

    I like it, im a 25 year old man and i love dating older women. I have always found i was mature for my age and i seem to click with them better. As i am away alot in the army its good to come back to a woman that is in full control of her life although now im back to being single so ladies???? ha ha

    • commaction Says:

      waht makes them attractive to 25yr old? mrely curious… is it due to $ security? lack of wanting ur own kids? must be some thing that causes you to seek older then younger……..

      • john Says:

        Not at all i just find myself more attracted to them, i dont seem to have alot in common with women my own age. I prefer to go out for walks, visit museums, going out for food. Older women can hold better conversations and i feel they are more on my level and not giggly and immature.

    • giga Says:

      yes john, absolutely right. but any hints how can i find one(some!) 🙂
      where , how? how was your experience for finding them?

  4. Jan Says:

    I am just now discovering how great it is to be with a younger man. I am 56 and to tell the truth, I find men my age so old in their thinking, in their behavior that it feels like I am settling for less than I deserve. I just met a handsome, articulate, professional 34 year old at a wedding and things just clicked from across the reception ballroom. He was such a gentleman, so caring, so interested – in what I had to say, so very complimentary and absolutely determined to please me in every way. The past couple of men in their 50’s I have dated all have had ED. Without a history of intimacy, it is hard to be sympathetic or understanding, hard not to feel like it’s you, that there is something you’re not doing to excite him. Or keep them excited. Well, I now feel confident that I am still attractive, and still sensual at my age, I have certainly felt that way – the validation is great! I don’t think I can even consider someone just a few years younger now.

    • commaction Says:

      u know, i thought at 56, people could care less about releationships… i must be really wrong on this point…
      thanks for sharing…

  5. Kris Says:

    So it’s all downhill after 30? Oh great, so I guess 35 year old guys are in trouble. 🙂

    I enjoy an older woman. Typically I date around 45 or so, and it’s awesome when you find the right person. I always believe it’s about getting along and making each other laugh. If you have that with attraction, it’s remarkable.

  6. Ahmed El Sadek Says:

    But there is a problem, most of women are not in my country, im from Egypt, i didnt find any woman here from my country, so is there a chance for me to find an old woman will like to get in a relationship with Egyptian guy? im 27 years old, but im really attracted to women older than me, i dont find myself with younge women, Oh i really love old women, but where i can find one who will accept a man far away from her, informing that i can go anywhere if she lives at any country, and i would stay with her, no matter where she lives, i hope if any one will accept that to contact me at yahoo or at gocougar, thnx everybody.

  7. Dale Says:

    I am a 33 year old guy I found out while I was only 19 years old that dating older women is better then dating women my own age she was 44 years I was only 19 now I am checking out someone about 58 years old

  8. rhunt Says:

    I am Asian American…. Love to have fun with older women.
    Send eMail if interested. in NY and Washington DC.

  9. ellie Says:

    Hi there, I’m a UK journalist looking for a woman who’s dating a man around 30 years younger than she is to take part in a positive piece about Cougars.
    The woman would need to be free for a phone interview over the next couple of days and happy to provide photos.
    If you or anyone you know is willing to take part let me know asap. We can offer a fee for your time.
    Thanks in advance!

    • melanie Says:

      Hi. You posted this on Nov. 11th. So, I’m not sure if you’re still doing a piece about cougars. Not that I’d like to be called a cougar due to the bad “stigma” attached to it. I’d be happy to be a part of this interview if it is still ongoing if only to enlighten many specially those who are judgemental that we do exist and some of us if not all are here to “prey” on men. For the judgemental men and women out there, think about how no one bats an eyelash when a man takes on a younger woman. So, why would it be any different with older women taking on younger men? I am a woman who has always dated younger men even during my younger years and didn’t realized it until my later years.
      I would like to take this opportunity to enlighten the world that we do exist not just all of a sudden but just that the world has been more open now to other possibilities like same sex marriages, in vitro fertilization, etc.

      • Corey Says:

        I am 18 about to turn 19 and I have a crush on women that are around 20 30 and even 40 years older than I. I just think that older women are very beautiful and wise and I can’t help it that I like older women for some reason. I feel like I am very weird at times because of this but I honestly can’t help it that I like older women. Do you think that this makes a person weird because they love someone that is far from there own age? Or do you think that this is pretty normal for someone my age?

  10. Lynda Says:

    When I divorced at 40 I tried dating men my age or older and they wanted the young chicks and it seemed that the ones that was interested in me was younger. I will not date anyone my age or older now it is all about the younger men. I am one that is not out for flings or one night stands so yes I look for more of a relationship. I was in a longterm relationship for 7yrs with someone 30yrs younger and it was great. I am now 61 and I am still attracting the younger men. Society needs to grow up cause older woman/younger man is something very much in the main stream now; men have been dating and marrying younger women since the Bible days. It is nolonger a man’s world, move over Donald Trump…hahaha

  11. Kristin Says:

    I’d like to hear form the ladies. How often do you find the younger guys you were dating don’t like to pay for you ? They probably think the younger ladies don’t have as much $ as the older ones.

  12. Jon Says:

    Its been my personal experience that older woman Love a younger looking man, that’s in great shape, affectionate, sensitive, lovable, full of energy, stamina, and knows how to please a Lady, being well hung is a BIG plus, but not always necessary! Knowing how to please and be there for a woman is the most important! Would love to hear a reply, woman only please. Jon

  13. modi Says:

    am a guy of 29 years old really i prefere t talking with women who are mor than 35 years old, and i like watching sex movies that containes older women to be fucked
    here is my yahoo id if there any women intrested to talk with me:

  14. Mike Says:

    I am male on 35s. I hadn only one intimate relationship with a matured female. During my teenage the lady who was near to my house eas nearly on mid 40s was so fond of myself and the way she used to kiss me and handle me, cant be imagined from my present relationship. Though both of us had advanced in the age, the passion between both of us still keeps us continue the beautiful relationship. We still keep ourselves young when we are at our private times. It is true as the women say we dont have any anxieties or burden as long as both knows the strength.

  15. lisa Says:

    I love younger men. I have dated only men at least 5 years younger and as much as 10 years younger than me for many years. I love the energy and a nice tight bod. Older men just aren’t the same, different mentality. I seem to have more in common with younger guys. They’re actually more fun and are usually more interested in me. I’m flattered. I think younger men like cougars because they have no agenda, don’t usually want to get married and are usually very independent and don’t need a man to take care of them.

  16. mark dolmas Says:

    im attracted 2 older women, and i’ve been searching for lil while now for good woman..I dont have pics on here,but i have facebook…search me from my name…I”m very cute u’ll see…: )

  17. Jose Says:

    Im 27, dating a on the downlow that is 54 yrs old lol i love it!! Im her first latin men, we love everything about eachother. Nothing but passion, she has done this with me that she has never done b4, did i mentioned she is MARRIED, ooppsss. sorry. she is my first and only love. she is beautfiful and takes really really good care of herself, super sexy and love learning from her, we learn from eachother actually. Im tired of teaching these younger girls things, is all on me. I love to impress my lady though, always trying to out do all her others put together. did i mention she has an older son than ME! ahaha oopps, nobody knows about us but a couple of her friends and 2 of her sisters. later, long live love.

  18. Jose Says:

    by the way, Im a latin male and she is Caucasian. It goes very unnoticed for the most part, only when we learn from each other is when we talk bout our minor differences.

  19. bsian Says:

    i i have found that older women are mature and understand a young man much better. She is not for money and showers real love. She is more caring and helpful and oh yes she also brings lot of experience in life and also in bed. They make us reach such level of satisfaction both in mental and physical terms. I relish the memory of an elderly woman who is caring and who is in my arms. They dont have any inhibitions regarding sex. I still cherish the memory of a woman almost 15 years elder to me taking me on. wow it is wonderful. Older women i just love them

  20. All Greek Says:

    I’m a happily married Greek male looking for a cougar to spark some life into my relationship. I am 36 and not looking to change my life, just looking to make it more interesting. I live in the Bay Area in California. Interested? I’d like to hear form you.

  21. giga Says:

    I would love to have sex with mature women. i am 28 yrs old guy and always would think of being with a girl greater than I in age something from 30 to 45 years old. I am attractive and handsome enough to be with a cute girl.
    thx for posting this blog and having the opportunity to write about my feelings and desires 🙂

  22. Andy Says:

    I`ve started dating the most adorable sixty one year old (i`m fifty) what a lady!!She`s intelligent,very fit,and ,as they say,knows what she wants with no head games unlike some,but not all, women in their thirties-(come to think about it i should be so lucky!).Think we`ve hit it off in a casual type of relationship which suits both of us-we`ve both been married before and niether of us want to ever tie the knot again.Being both financially independant people i think helps a great deal;like most people out there we both live fairly busy lives-question is of course that has crossed both our minds is :would we ever live together?We have both agreed that`s a big NO,we`re happy as we are.Actually i made the mistake along while back of marrying a slightly older woman needless to say it didn`t work out but if we`d both had our own space and seperate lives we`d still be lovers 14 years on- a great shame for us both; mais c`est la vie!!

  23. Jose Says:

    I guess i know what got you, was that she was married right?? I wasnt glorifying that. Her husband is the worse and has beaten her before. oh, well. truth is the truth. take care.

  24. Cynthia Says:

    I have never met a major younger man that was mature enough. Maybe I should stop looking for a relationship and just have fun..

  25. Nate Says:

    I’m 21 and since I was 17 I’ve been into older women. It just seems women where I live are not into younger guys so I find myself in a perdicament

  26. onlinedatingclinic Says:

    I think the older men need to watch out! At the moment once you get past 40 the men have more choice and they know it. If the younger men start paying more attention once this is socially acceptable, they will have more competition and have to start trying harder.

  27. FunnyGuy Says:


    This is for all women young and mature, looking forward to treat you the way you have never felt before.

    You are just a mail away.. so why wait…see ya…

    • 52 and smiling Says:

      I’m 52 years old, I restarted this dating lark about a year ago. To my astonishment I found all the guys I like are under 35. All the guys that like me and have kept in touch for months are under 35.
      I think its a combination – from my side – I’m fun to know, experienced in all sorts of stuff (not just the bedroom), have been places and done things, they are only just dreaming about. I know stuff.
      From their side- we talk about life’s opportunities not disasters,they do not have disfunctional kids and disaffected spouses (neither do I). They are communication savvy, much more comfortable with approaching me than guys of my own age, enthusiastic about all sorts of things and generally I have found they make me smile. Long may it continue.

  28. antonio Says:

    Hi my name is tony i am 37 yrs.old i am fun to be around spontanius and love life. i have had the pleasure to experience being with an older woman once but it has been very long time i think im over due to experience it again. smile

  29. c Says:

    I have been friends with a 28 year old beautiful boy for 5 years now. I will be 54 on january 28. I love him. He knows it. However, in order to hide his feelings he has hooked up with someone his own age. He still hits on me. I don’t understand what he is doing…do you?

  30. 52 and smiling Says:

    Personal view – some guys cannot deal with the fact that they have feelings for someone so much older than them. Many people want to blend in with the crowd. Maybe in the end despite his feelings for you he feels that need, it doesn’t mean he can forget you though. (I’ve been there).

  31. ibrahim Says:

    i am 38 y man looking for lovely woman age 45 to 65 y to have relationship and have good time , i am care man working as an engineer , love travel coz of my work no kids still singel i wish to hear from u soon .
    take care

  32. Cory Says:

    I personally like older women too. They’re very independent which is a big plus. Most girls around my age or younger are immature. I’m 22 almost 23 and I dated last year someone who was 10 years older than me. I haven’t had anyone older than that, but that would definitely be cool. Anyway, great article.

  33. Disgusting Says:

    Shallow, disgusting skanks!!… say the least

  34. ezgin Says:

    31 years single man. looking for a mature nice lady. please added me or leave a comment here for me

  35. Cecily Says:

    Hi there,

    Shine TV is currently developing a new programme idea all about older women choosing to date younger men. This factual series is aimed at real women in Britain today and what they really want in a relationship. With more and more women opting to date younger men, we want to discover the plus points and the down sides to such relationships. We’re also going to be looking at a summer season of dating, flirting, starting fun new relationships etc. At this stage we are just hoping to speak with women who choose to date younger men and are interested in finding out a bit more about our programme idea. If this sounds like you then please feel free to …… send me your details and I will give you a quick ring

    Thanks so much and look forward to hearing from you

  36. ryan Says:

    i am actually looking for a mature woman ready to date younger man, i’m 25 and haven’t dated a woman younger than me, so, you can send me a message ………………

  37. Aimee Says:

    At what age difference are you considered a cougar? I am 29 and have strong feelings for a 22 year old. We have a lot in common, my friends say they feel like they are talking to me when they are talking to him. It’s the age that I’m not sure about. But we really are at the same level of life.

  38. Admin Says:

    Anyone know any good cougar dating sites that are free? I cant seem to find any fun cougars so far 😦

  39. albert jeorge Says:




    Height 6’0’
    Weight 175 pounds
    Hair brown
    EYES hazel
    Size 9’1/2’inch cut

    Body type muscular


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